They live in a fairytale,don't they?

 My dear followers,I'll do one thing now I'm not usually fond of, but I have one follower who don't speak or understand Serbian,and yes,I'll write in English(just this one time, for now). At least I'll try to. Pardon me for my mistakes.

I was listening to THIS SONG and suddenly I felt some strange feeling rising inside of me. I believe it's called  Inspiration. That's why I'm going to write about the Fairytale I dream every night.

I'm lost in this world,torn between good and bad feelings and impressions that others unconsciously inject into my thoughts and even my behavior. I just want to run away from all of that and let myself be who I am.I want to laugh when I fell like it,to run when I fell like running and to cry when I fell like crying,not when I am supposed to. It's just to hard for me to follow somebody else's life impulses and not mine. People around me are always near but not because of the huge love they feel for me,no. They just feel need to constantly be somewhere around so they don't miss anything worth taking away from me. That's not the problem,I can handle that. But,(there is always one more but:)there is one thing I can't handle. I can't handle that this doesn't happen only to me,it happens to everybody, and no one can stop it. Injustice- I believe that's the name.And the biggest problem is that I CAN'T CHANGE IT as much as I want it to.That's driving me crazy. So I have always dreamed to live in some other world,but there is no such thing. That is the reason why I wish to have a friend,good friend who lives on the others side of the globe,who will be there for me,but not around me to make me hurt and suffer. Someone will ask:''How do you imagine that? There can not be friendship with someone you don't know,that's stupid and dangerous,too.'' Yeah,I know. I am both stupid and willing to take risks. Maybe that will lead me to failure or it can lead me to salvation. I don't know,though it's not mine to know, mine is to act as I feel I should.This is how I imagine it: 
That person should be honest on the first place,should be kind and good-hearted,well-intentioned and smart.
I don't say that he must be like that in his life,maybe he lives a difficult life and needs to be rude,insincere or even offensive,but he must be like that to me,cause that's how I will be when talking to him...Well,that is the reason of speaking with him,to ''be'' with someone how can actually be nice and without wanting to hurt me. I don't need to know anything personal about him and facts about his life,but I need to know him as well as I know my best friend,to know when he is sad,when he is nervous,when he needs a comforting word...and all of that just by reading a single letter on the screen. Of course,I expect it the other way too.  After some time I believe  there would be a kind of unconditional love,not just mutual respect or fun. Maybe some would say that it's hard to love someone who we can't hug,put our head on his shoulder when crying or even look at him,but I think that is the price. Well,what is wrong with having a person in our lives who will know how to make us happy but won't ruin our lives by demanding to change it or giving up some things cause of jealousy. And I also expect him to know almost every language I know cause I have an odd habit to mix languages when I speak,usually cause I can't remember the right word in one lang. so I choose to say it in other. He must understand what I'm saying all the time(I get upset when I can't express what I feel or want to say:). Yes,I am a bit nervous sometimes,but he ought to now when that times come and he won't be angry.Of course I will always try,no matter how angry I am, to be good and gentle to him...At the begging I wanted him to be a Chinese person so I could learn Chinese lang. very good,but then I realized that I just can't express my thoughts in Chinese,I don't know it well enough,and that could be a problem,huge one.Why I always say HIM? Well,I would like that person to me male because they are so strange to me,I can't understand male brain and I believe my friend could be the one who can help me to understand it sometimes. I think this will be the thing that I want as long as I live,but there will also be one problem as long as I want it-time difference. :)

I live in a Fairytale,don't I?

I maybe look like a grown-up,but my inner child is still dominative and  I will dream as long as I can...:P

1 comment:

  1. Gugl translejt ugradiš na blog i Bog da te vidi. ;)

    A što se prijatelja tiče...Mogu da ti preporučim par kineza ili crnaca iz plemena Masai. Kad već moraju da budu sa druge strane planete. :P